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melissaperkowski:

What does that even mean?

I hate when people aren’t just straight up. I’m a pretty straight up person. So it irritates me when people try to play games and be all mysterious when they talk to me. Like. It’s not that hard to communicate a thought.

Frustrated.

-Melissa

Heard that

All I ask for is a little more simplicity, maybe a easier life. Although that is way to much to be searching for, I’ll only be killing myself from exhaustion. So what do I do to cope with such an impatient, demanding, selfish population? I only be patient, never demand, and alway put others before myself. Will I ever be put on top? Will I ever meet a girl and serve in a relationship that will prove to be selfless and work out? Will my friends understand why I choose this lifestyle over theirs? Why I read rather drink, or sit quietly rather talk loud to be known I’m present? Will the friends i knew would never leave finally give up? Will my friends ever understand why I tell them the things that they don’t want to hear but know inevitable? I don’t know. You don’t know. Only one person knows. And that is simply God. I put my trust in him that these questions, that these prayers are answered with all his good intent.

It’s crazy

To look all the old things I’ve wrote. Like just going through the notes on my phone it’s like a locked up box of bad memories. Ive realized I have a very bad since of memory and that I usually just live up the moment for what is going on and don’t ever think of it afterwards and these songs or lyrics or whatever you want to call them that I have written help me relive that emotion and although those emotions are sad or depressing it helps me remember where I have been and remember the mistakes I’ve made and the things I let bring my friends down and that brought me down.

Once I’m free
“It’s funny because I wait to let these words leave my mouth till all is safe and sound
And now that your gone I’m at a loss of things to draw
These words were meant to be but a helpless attempt at getting your attention and showing you what I really mean
But you never cared to listen
You never waited to see
All the hidden things stuck with me
You will never see
You cut your heart off your sleeve
And I locked mine away never for you to see
I waited to hold it in my hand
To show you where it needed to be,
But you’re gone
And now only I hold the key
No longer will I wear my heart on my sleeve
It’s locked away till I can be free”

I still try
“At least I can say I tried
But a conversation from hello to goodbye would have been nice
Now I know you’ll see this
And since you’re reading it
Keep in mind
That You’re the only one who died
But at least I still try

Im running from the path
Tearing through the grass
Finding my way back
I’m finally alone
Cause I’m better off on my own
(back in my own home)

I got stuck in my own trap
To see how long I’ll last
Lost In my own home
I can never be alone”

Welp.

I was wrong in my last post. This has turned out to be one of the best weeks. Im legitimately depressed that it is ending. I’ve spent all week with cole, Carl, stu Glasic, nick, woody, and Kristen and its been so fun. I’ve met some awesome people, became friends with even greater people. I met a awesome girl that is going to Emory for something I can’t even pronounce and had a wonderful time with her. I really just wish I could stay here with all these people and not have to go back to stressing about school and work and life. Butttttt there is no hiding from it. It’s time to get back on to my hectic schedule but this time I’m adding a little more life into it and hopefully a little more love. I feel like that’s a huge majority of what we are searching for on this planet it’s just LOVE the other part is finding reason for your life and I’ve found why I’m here and now all I need is to feel and enjoy just love, of you know what I mean. And I think that is the source of my depression of leaving this place is that love is so easy here. You’re on the most beautiful creations on earth and it puts you in the sublime emotion where all you can be is happy and share and feel love. I’m excited and I’m ready to find love.

This has been entirely too long and everywhere but I feel better now.

Welp

\m/ all day.. \mm/

I totally underestimated how awful this week was going to be. I feel like I was obligated to come and that things would be fine regardless of how everything went down. But being a third wheel to the girl you use to like and the guy that ended things between you isn’t really my idea of a “fun” week. On top of that I forgot how much I hate such public beaches like destin and pc it’s all a bunch of bros that think they are the next GQ models. Like seriously? I know flat bill are so cool and all but maybe next time look for something more original, and stop looking at me like I’m walking around with a poster that say I like dudes. I just wanted to get away. 35 hrs a week at work on top of school has driven me insane and ALL I wanted was just ONE week to not worry about anything. And this is not what I had in mind. Hopefully I can hang out with all the dudes that are here this week like cole and nick and Carl and actually be able to enjoy myself with people who can somewhat understand me.

FUUUUDDGGEEE